Raw Fish

I went to a sushi restaurant with my family down town. I have been dragged into a million sushi joints, and have never had the slightest urge to try it. Frankly, it disgusts me. I'm the pickiest person on the planet anyway. But for some reason... I was feeling particularly crazy and alive and decided to give it a try.

I selected something that sounded simple and classic... Spicy tuna roll. I waited for the opportune moment, right at the end of the order, to make my request. I got strange looks from the rest of the table. "You're really going to try some?" Disbelief.

When it arrived, it was covered in some orange garnish. Fish eggs. "No no no, it's finely ground carrots!" Nice try, pops. "I don't think carrots can be this round." The notion of eating fish eggs really put a damper on my appetite. But I knocked "the carrots" off with my chopsticks, swirled my selected piece of sushi around in wasabi and soy sauce, took a deep breath, and ate it.

My entire family almost died of simultaneous heart failure.

I almost died of suffocation, vomit, mental trauma, and embarrassment.

A glass of water, half my brother's Dr. Pepper, and eight minutes later, I could finally speak enough to retell my horrific ordeal.

HOW DO PEOPLE EAT THAT STUFF? I was sort of congested, and could barely taste it, ...but the TEXTURE! I gagged twice and had to put my hand over my mouth. The waiter came over, presumably to see if I was okay, but I couldn't look up (if I could, I don't know if I would have waved him away or motioned for the Heimlich maneuver) and my family told him everything was fine. All I could think was, "chew...! chew! CHEW!!!" Despite all the complete stares of disbelief and highfives I received, it will be awhile before I do that again.

Sushi lovers, you have my respect... But you're insane.

Most appropriate restaurant name ever. They do have great chicken spring rolls, though.